i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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