Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
