Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
