i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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