hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
