we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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