And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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