i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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