So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
