I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
