eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
