The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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