The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
