All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
