I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
