think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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