Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
now i know why i became what i already was.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
