Please don't use social media to get back at me.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
