I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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