lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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