Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
