did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize