As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize