i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
