I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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