Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
