Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
