I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
