i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
