so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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