I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
