youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
