So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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