Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize