At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
