I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
