I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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