LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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