i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
