2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
