do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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