sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
