I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just pee around me
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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