Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
