You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
