you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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