Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
