took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
