I accidentally burped into my bong.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
