I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
