cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
