I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize