wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
