I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
