so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize