im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
