The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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