There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
