It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You ate ashes out of my bong
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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