She just used a chaser for red wine.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
