i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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