My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
