I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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