mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
