Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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