Where did you get a picture of my penis
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
