i think my tv is drunk
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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